(First came the media blitz accompanying Conan O’Brien’s move to eleven. Now the fanfare focuses on Jay Leno’s return to television at ten tonight. David Letterman must wonder what he has to do to get a little attention. So with a nod to the master of the Top Ten List, I present my feeble attempt at the comedic style he made famous.)
10. All the red, spotted injection site reactions make you look sick enough to take a day off work.
9. (Interferon users only) The flu-like symptoms make you really sick enough to stay home from work.
8. Whether or not you’re better off with the medicine feels like a crap shot, and you’ve always fancied yourself a gambler.
7. You can enter the local talent show as a human pincushion.
6. You can make Christmas decorations from the empty syringes.
5. It adds an extra level of uncertainty to the security line at the airport, and you love to live dangerously.
4. It’s the only way you can keep track of what day of the week it is. (“Today is Monday, so that means left thigh…”)
3. It’s this or clean out the cat’s litter box; take your pick.
2. (Especially Copaxone users) It gives you the most valuable real estate in your neighborhood. Not your house, actually, but your skin, in the endless quest to find a clear patch that’s not bruised, bright red, lumpy, or dented.
1. Given the cost of each of these medicines, they’ve got to be good (right?!), and you’re worth every penny.